Ice cream sandwiches from Ruby Jewel
Multiple locations. curesmunchies.com
Combining ice cream with cookies is a seriously advanced munchie tactic, but the real reason we love Ruby Jewel's iconic ice cream sandwiches is the lack of a bowl or spoon to clean up when you're done. Props to Fred Meyer's small selection of sandos like lemon with honey lavender and chocolate mint that were on sale for just $3.19 on a recent visit, which is almost a dollar less than their full-priced brethren at New Seasons or actual Ruby Jewel shops.
Spam Musubi from Ate-Oh-Eight
2454 E Burnside St., 503-445-6101; 5200 SE Woodstock Blvd., 971-865-5984; ate-oh-ate.com. 11 am-9 pm daily.
Unless you grew up in Hawaii, the glory of Spam may not have ever entered your culinary orbit. For a proper introduction to the 50th state's most timeless stoner delicacy, turn to Ate-Oh-Eight's Spam musubi—a simple dish made of Spam and fried egg wrapped in nori ($2.95). The popular Hawaiian cafe often runs out of these tasty little umami bombs, so the correct move is to buy a handful, toss them in the fridge, then douse them in soy or teriyaki sauce when you're ready for the most satisfyingly chewy and salty snack any takeout operation in Portland can offer.
Fancy Kit Kats from Fubonn Shopping Center
2850 SE 83nd Ave., 503-517-8899, fubonn.com. 9 am-8 pm daily.
The candy aisle at this massive pan-Asian supermarket is a minefield of weird delicacies too deep for even the highest of the high—durian-flavored hard candy, anyone?—but any savvy stoner who's lived on the West Coast long enough knows markets like Fubonn are the most reliable place to score rare bags of Kit Kats in flavors that are usually available only across the Pacific. We managed to score a bag of the cherry almond flavor for $5.99, which is cheaper and more instantly gratifying than getting them shipped to your crib via Amazon Prime.
Macarons from Farina Bakery
1852 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 971-279-595, farinabakery.com. 7 am-2 pm Tuesday-Sunday.
Laura Farina's light, bright and fluffy confections won the hearts of WW staff when we tasted every macaron in town back in 2014, and her restless tinkering with new flavors means her brand has only gotten stronger since. If inhaling an entire bag of Oreos in one sitting is a recurring concern, try a handful of marionberry, salty caramel and chocolate hazelnut 'rons ($2 each) instead.
Donut holes from Sesame Donuts
Donut shops are hotbeds for stoners of all stripes, but having to decide on just one or two rings is a major buzzkill. Avoid flavor FOMO by cruising through one of Sesame Donuts' seven locations—preferably its 24/7 spot in Raleigh Hills (6990 SW Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway)—and loading up on delicious donut holes in classic flavors like glazed, cinnamon and pumpkin spice for only 20 cents each.
Charlie Brown bars from Sweetpea Baking Co.
1205 SE Stark St., 503-477-5916, sweetpeabaking.com. 8 am-6 pm Monday-Saturday, 9 am-5 pm Sunday.
A classic munchie combo that's sustained several generations of stoners, Sweetpea's Charlie Brown bar ($3.95) is a square of rich peanut butter and glistening chocolate the size of an iPad Mini. The fact that it's vegan means you can eat three of them in one day and not feel bad about it.
Frozen mochi from Whole Foods
Aside from the bakery and the pizza bar, Whole Foods is sorely lacking in quick and satisfying stoner food. Last summer, it changed that by dropping reach-in freezers full of frozen mochi near the checkout lanes. If you're not hip to the trend yet, they're basically colorful little balls of rice starch that have a firm yet chewy gelatinous texture that's unbeatable in frozen form. The green tea, blood orange and blueberry flavors are our favorite, but priced at $2 each—or six for $10—you might as well try them all.
Obscure German candy from Edelweiss Sausage & Delicatessen
3119 SE 12th Ave., 503-238-4411, edelweissdeli.com. 9 am-6 pm Monday-Saturday.
If you think the selection of Haribo gummies at your nearby Plaid Pantry is impressive, wait until you get your bloodshot eyes on the spread at this old-school Brooklyn-Powell sausage shop. Edelweiss often scores obscure new flavors of the venerable gummy brand like some tasty black licorice and sea-salt discs called Lacaroo ($3.90) before they proliferate to the national level. The selection of Ritter Sport chocolates is unmatched by any other shop in town.