Don’t Want Your Halloween Party To Be Forgettable? Make Sure You Have the Right Accessories.
Your curated Spotify playlist and faux webs weren’t enough. What year was your party again?
(Halloweentown Facebook)
ByJack Rushall
Last year, I threw a Halloween party, and trust me, I pulled out all the stops. I even attempted to wow my guests with a rendition of the Bloody Brain Shooter, a cocktail that is supposed to look like it contains human brains. This attempt failed miserably, and I was stuck with a bunch of Bailey’s cream that is now part of my Halloween costume this year: cat throw-up.
There’s a good chance some of you are going to throw a Halloween party this year—I will not be among you—and I want you to achieve what I couldn’t. I want your guests to think back to Halloween 2017 twenty years from now and say, “Damn, those laser lights were tight.”
But, for your guests to think your laser lights are tight, you must have laser lights in the first place. Luckily for you, it isn’t so hard to make that Halloween dream into a reality.
We’ve rounded up some Halloween accessories to help make your parties the scariest on the block, for years to come. Even better, some (like the fog machine we found) can be re-purposed for fun outside of the 31st of October—when has a fog machine not made a party more sexy?
Some people may think of Christmas as the projector light holiday, but those people are wrong. Everybody likes a good light show. Why else would we celebrate the 4th of July or attend raves on uppers at 17? Projector lights don’t discriminate.
I don’t think that this is how the projector is going to work in real life. (ToHa)
This projector light setup from ToHa lights comes with patterned slides that are specific to Halloween, projecting pumpkins, some kind of banner thing, a pumpkin that looks like it’s half witch and, scariest of all, a flaming skeleton head. Sure, you could put them outside, but it will be much spookier to set this up in a living room, casting odd shadows that will resemble spectral apparitions to the average tipsy partygoer.
Even better, this setup comes with 16 patterns, which not only span the major holidays (Christmas, etc.), but also include fun themes like aquatic creatures. If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, it means that you can throw some whale sounds on Spotify and have THE craziest Shark Week party Portland has ever seen.
Fog machines have been a staple of Halloween parties and/or lame school dances since “Thriller” was the hottest song on the charts back in the ’80s. But this one from 1byone is awesome, and not just because it comes with a remote control. It takes only 3-5 minutes to warm up (that’s the wizard inside it summoning the fog), and it will run for about an hour on less than a third tank of fog juice, which you can get here. And what are you going to do with your leftover fog juice after Halloween? That’s right: throw more parties, because a fog machine makes every single party cooler.
And one more thing: this particular machine happens to be on sale ($36, down from $50). The only thing scary about that is the $14 you’re going to save!
Yeah, it would be “really generous and cool” for you to serve alcohol and real food at your party, even cooler if you got it catered. But just like you, we don’t have any money, because a) we blew the booze budget on fog machines; and b) we didn’t actually have any money in the first place.
So, what do you serve your guests? Well, a lot of horror is about grossing people out, and what’s the grossest thing you can think of? That’s right: President Donald Trump’s hair. Or in this case, a yellow, fluffy cotton candy approximation thereof. It’s timely, it’s creepy, and it’s the only time you’ll want to put something “horrifying” in your mouth.
On second thought, maybe this isn’t such a good idea. (Bad Thread)
And you’d might as well stock the bathroom with Trump toilet paper while you’re at it.
WARNING: This is one of those existential terror type of Halloween decorations that’s going to be too much for some guests to handle! If you’re one of those hardcore horror movie kinds of people then this is for you, but be aware that some of your guests might break down in tears at the sight of this truly horrifying decoration.
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