Horse races, like sex, are about mostly
anticipation. And while the Kentucky Derby—like sex—only lasts two
minutes, the elaborate celebrations around racing's biggest event last
all day. Once the exclusive domain of the upper crust, any jerk in his
or her boxer shorts can now stay home and enjoy the Derby on ESPN. But
why not spend this Saturday hobnobbing with other jerks? There are
really just a few simple steps to making the Derby—or, as we like to
call it, the "Super Bowl of animal cruelty"—your bitch. And, they're
off!
THE OUTFIT
Men:
Women: "Ladies typically wear pastel-colored suits,
frilly dresses or bold separates," the Derby's organizers explain. But
women of the Derb are also expected to build elaborate, gigantic
hats—dubbed "fascinators"—that test the limits of both fashion and neck
muscles. You're not just the arm candy of some rich Saudi Prince, you're a trendsetter!
THE DRINK
THE RACE
Portland Meadows
(1001 N Schmeer Road, portlandmeadows.com) Those looking for something different can watch the Derb on the big screen at the Mission Theater (1624 NW Glisan St., mcmenamins.com),
which will also be featuring $5 juleps, whiskey tastings and a
fancy-hat contest. The Mission will also host punky bluegrass from Water
Tower.
Headout Picks
WEDNESDAY, MAY 2
THE GREAT NORTHWESTS
On the Road
Sex and the City
NW Film Centerâs Whitsell Auditorium. 1219 SW Park Ave., 221-1156. 7 pm Wednesday-Thursday, May 2-3. LAR LUBOVITCH
[DANCE] The great contemporary dance
company returns to Portland with 10 ensemble members performing a
musically disparate program. On the one hand, you have North Star, a
kind of amoeba-shaped group work set against Philip Glassâ driving
score. On the other, thereâs Robert Schumannâs Symphonic Etudes, Little Rhapsodies, which accompanies the companyâs men as they test their athleticism and sensitivity. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, whitebird.org. 7:30 pm. $26-$64.
FRIDAY, MAY 4
WILD FLAG
[MUSIC] Carrie Brownstein and company
play hard in concert. The part-Portland quartetâs recent Coachella
performance was second to none in terms of intensity; It was wrought
with extended solos, whammy-bar noodling and truckloads of distortion.
The Sleater-Kinney influence looms, but Wild Flag is its own avant-punk
animal altogether. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St. 9 pm. $15 advance, $18 day of show. All ages. SATURDAY, MAY 5
INCREDIBLE EDIBLES PLANT SALE
[PLANTS] Like all good Portlanders, you
surely have a thriving edible garden, which provides a bounty of
nourishing fresh produce to feed your soul and fuel your sense of
self-righteousness. But, just in case youâre new around here, the
Multnomah County Master Gardeners are holding a sale of organic
vegetable starts. All Saints School, 601 NE Cesar E. Chavez Blvd. 10 am-3 pm. Free.
FREE COMIC BOOK DAY
[COMICS] Charge your blasters and tell
Mom youâll be home lateâitâs Free Comic Book Day. Comic shops across
Portland offer special appearances by authors and artists, costume
contests and a slew of giveaways. For a complete listing of events, visit freecomicbookday.com. SUNDAY, MAY 6
GAPER DAY
[SKI/BOARD] Essentially an ugly-sweater
party with lift tickets, Timberlineâs traditional Gaper Day has
downhillers wearing their dumbest outfits. âExtra points for
snowblades!â they say. Timberline Lodge, 27500 E Timberline Road, Government Camp, 231-5402,
WWeek 2015
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