Wednesday, May 31

Party like you just died in the Big Easy.

Straight out of New Orleans comes the Hot 8 Brass Band. Its latest, On the Spot, is a joyful ruckus that's sure to get any party (or funeral, since the band does plenty of those as well) grooving in no time. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., 503-284-8686, wonderballroom.com. 8:30 pm. $18 advance, $23 day of show. 21+.

Thursday, June 1

Kickstart the Burning Man of bikes.

(Carye Bye)
(Carye Bye)

With over 200 events spanning the entire month of June, Pedalpalooza is a chance for bike enthusiasts of all backgrounds to celebrate one of the many pastimes that makes Portland what it is. The World Naked Bike Ride gets all the press, but the Kickoff Ride is worth your time to get a look at who's who in the scene while they're still fully clothed. Salmon Street Springs Fountain, Southwest Salmon Street and Naito Parkway, shift2bikes.org. 7 pm. Free. All ages.

Friday, June 2

Get a yeast injection.

Not your typical stalls-and-suds beer fest, Cheers to Belgian Beers is a throwdown in which more than 50 Oregon brewers try their hand at brewing a Belgian with a single strain of yeast—Imperial Gnome B45 this time around—and a goal for color and IBUs that was determined with a dart throw back in January. The North Warehouse, 723 N Tillamook St., oregoncraftbeer.org/ctbb. $20, includes a glass and 8 drink tickets. 21+.

Saturday, June 3

Watch a parade that might get shut down by anarchists.

Get lit with one of the Rose Festival's marquee events, the Starlight Parade, in which a steady stream of illuminated floats and marching bands putzes around downtown Portland in a garish display of civic pride. Starts at West Burnside Street and 9th Avenue, rosefestival.org. Free. All ages.

Sunday, June 4

Cool down in an air-conditioned theater.

If you want to get out of the sun and feel cultured, head downtown to watch some talented youths tell the adventures of little Bilbo Baggins and all the dwarves and wizards he encounters in the Metropolitan Performing Arts Academy's production of The Hobbit. Brunish Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 503-274-6551, metropaa.org. 2 pm. $12. All ages.

Monday, June 5

Work out your daddy issues in front of strangers.

Falling somewhere between a poetry slam and an open-mic comedy night, the Moth StorySlam offers aspiring storytellers the chance to get onstage and unspool a yarn of their own in five-minute allotments. It's cheaper than therapy! The Secret Society, 116 NE Russell St., themoth.org. 8 pm. $10. All ages.

Tuesday, June 6

Meet your new favorite wood-bat baseball team at its home opener.

(Chris Stamm)
(Chris Stamm)

You'll be fighting for an apartment in Lents before you know it, so you might as well get acquainted with the burgeoning outer Southeast 'hood while the sun is shining. You're in luck, because a Portland Pickles game is an inexpensive and low-stakes affair that's about as Summer in America as it gets. Walker Stadium, 4727 SE 92nd Ave., 503-773-3080, portlandpicklesbaseball.com. 7:05 pm. $7-$10. All ages.

Wednesday, June 7

Watch the fifth-best Coen brothers movie at a French patisserie.

(Working Title Films, PolyGram Filmed Entertainment)
(Working Title Films, PolyGram Filmed Entertainment)

Throughout the summer months, inscrutable wine bar-pastry shop Pix Pâtisserie hosts free movies on its delightful patio, with drinks theme after the night's film. The series kicks off with slacker classic The Big Lebowski. If we could only remember what its prominent drink was. A mudslide, maybe? Pix/Bar Vivant, 2225 E Burnside St., 971-271-7166, pixpatisserie.com. Opens at 7 pm, movie starts at dusk. Free. All ages.

Thursday, June 8

Peruse the new summer line of bow ties, French cuffs and banana hammocks.

Expect a run on the Cock and Balls doughnut at Voodoo Doughnut later in the evening, because every bachelorette party in the greater Portland area descends like vultures on this stop of the storied Chippendales striptease tour. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., 971-230-0033, roselandpdx.com. 8 pm. $25 advance, $30 day of show. 21+.

Friday, June 9

Drink strawberry and lime ales.

Fans of fruit have a lot to look forward to from the taps at this year's Fruit Beer Fest, with 21 infused creations that include a tart strawberry and basil ale from Ruse, a special Key lime pie beer from 10 Barrel, and a blend of Upright's black lime-infused Saison Vert that spent time in both gin and vermouth barrels—yowza. Burnside Brewing Co., 701 E Burnside St., 503-946-8151, fruitbeerfest.com. 4-9 pm. Continues 11 am-9 pm Saturday and 11 am-6 pm Sunday, June 10-11. $20-$25 for 12-14 tastes.

Saturday, June 10

Celebrate Oldest Portland at the Grand Floral Parade.

It's a Portland tradition dating back more than a 100 years and a giant production, with horses and floats and marching bands galore! This year, the grand marshals are Bobby Gross, Lloyd Neal and Larry Steele of the 1977 Trail Blazers team. Starts at Veterans Memorial Coliseum, 300 N Winning Way, rosefestival.org. 10 am. $15-$30 reserved seats, otherwise free.

Sunday, June 11

Turn up in Ridgefield.

(Daniel Cole)
(Daniel Cole)

Kendrick Lamar isn't coming, but at least we're getting Future, mumble rap's reigning trap king. With Young Thug and A$AP Ferg in tow, this is easily the biggest hip-hop show of the season. Sunlight Supply Amphitheater, 17200 NE Delfel Road, Ridgefield, Wash., 360-816-7000, sunlightsupplyamphitheater.com. 7 pm. $24-$336. All ages.

Monday, June 12

Achieve peak Portland by doing yoga in a brewery.

(Ecliptic, Hilary Sander)
(Ecliptic, Hilary Sander)

The whole point of yoga is to maintain the muscles necessary to allow your body to properly process beloved Ecliptic brews like Orbiter IPA and Capella Porter, right? Ecliptic Brewing, 825 N Cook St., 503-265-8002, eclipticbrewing.com. 6:30 pm. $15-$20. 21+.

Tuesday, June 13

Test the limits of your self-confidence on the Dapper Tandem Twinsies Ride.

Dust off that tandy and dress like a dandy with a best bud on this twins-themed Pedalpalooza ride. It's doubtful the ride will make any headway proving that tandems aren't for married couples or total nerds, but being a nerd is cool again, right? Peninsula Park, 700 N Rosa Parks Way, 503-823-2525, shift2bikes.org. 6:30 pm.

Wednesday, June 14

Don't celebrate Donald Trump's birthday.

(Lovatto)
(Lovatto)

Portland's Resistance is commemorating the birth of the oldest and dumbest president to assume office by celebrating literally everyone else born on June 14—Che Guevara, MC Ren, even dirty-ass former San Antonio Spur Bruce Bowen. Bring a homemade piñata for the chance to win $100. South Park Blocks, Southwest Park Avenue, pdxresistance.org. 5-8 pm.

Thursday, June 15

Watch world-famous Portland-born burlesque.

The Suicide Girls are coming back home from L.A. to be naked in a way that's totally different from and more alt than other naked people, with Blackheart Burlesque. Boo to conventional nakedness! Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark St., 503-288-3895, revolutionhall.com. 9 pm. $25.

Friday, June 16

Get Ziggy with it.

Although it's being billed as a "Bowie Birthday Bash," the actual cause for celebration tonight is the birth of The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars, which sprang from the Thin White Duke's glitter-gilded loins on this day 40 years ago. A host of Portland bands, including all-star Bowie tribute act Boys Keep Swinging, will pay their respects, followed by a karaoke party. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 503-288-3895, mississippistudios.com. 8:15 pm. $10. 21+.

Saturday, June 17

Combine two of the greatest things you could ever put in your mouth.

(Culmination, Henry Cromett)
(Culmination, Henry Cromett)

Portland cheese king Steve Jones joins forces with some of the best breweries in the region to pair 10 Cascadia-made cheeses with 10 local beers at the Portland Beer and Cheese Fest, a gluttonous affair that also features artisan charcuterie and chocolate. Culmination Brewing, 2117 NE Oregon St., 971-254-9114, culminationbrewing.com. 1-4 pm. $35.

Sunday, June 18

Tie on your rainbow cape for the city's biggest parade party.

Portland Pride isn't just a parade. It's more like a giant party in the street where you see which huge companies are the most socially responsible, where free condoms are thrown like confetti, and where someone dressed like a horse may just come up to you and give a neigh. Starts at Northwest 8th Avenue and Davis Street, pridenw.org. 11 am. Free. All ages.

Monday, June 19

Rave in the forest on the last day of What the Festival.

Fans at What the Festival 2016. IMAGE: Matthew Houlemard.
Fans at What the Festival 2016. IMAGE: Matthew Houlemard.

Australian synth-pop act Cut Copy headlines this year's electronic music summer camp in the woods of Central Oregon, but depending on what you're on, the main attractions remain the giant wading pool and the glow of the Illuminated Forest. Wolf Run Ranch, 78889 Dufur Valley Road, whatthefestival.com. June 16-19.

Tuesday, June 20

Flip out at a pinball tournament.

(Thomas Teal)
(Thomas Teal)

Intimidated by Portland's storied pro pinball scene? Flip City's weekly double-elimination tournament is open to the plebs, and bounces between some of the best pinball bars in town, making it a great excuse to finally check out Shanghai Tunnel and C Bar with ulterior motives other than drinking. QuarterWorld, 4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-548-2923, quarterworld.com. See flip.city for weekly locations. 7 pm. 21+.

Wednesday, June 21

Sing "Oh! You Pretty Things" to elephants.

Eschewing the usual mix of Huey Lewis and random Marley relatives, this year's Oregon Zoo Concert Series is actually kind of…cool. It starts tonight with the return of Brazilian singer-songwriter and The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou star Seu Jorge, reprising his David Bowie tribute that sold out the Schnitz last year. Oregon Zoo, 4001 SW Canyon Road, 503-226-1561, zooconcerts.com. 7 pm. $35-$200. All ages.

Thursday, June 22

Hang with the stoner Laurel and Hardy.

To make their weekly podcast work, Clerks mastermind Kevin Smith breaks character from the traditionally taciturn Silent Bob to play foil to Jason Mewes' incessant shit-talking, often yielding hilarious results. Snoochie boochies! Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669, portland.heliumcomedy.com. 9:45 pm. $30. 21+

Friday, June 23

Get day-drunk at the Portland International Beerfest.

From imported German helles to Japanese espresso stouts, 200 of the world's rarest beers complete a lengthy journey to the North Park Blocks this June, in an event that always ranks among the year's best drinking excursions. Northwest Park Avenue and Everett Street. 4-10 pm. Continues noon-10 pm Saturday and noon-7 pm Sunday, June 24-25. $25, includes a glass and 10 drink tickets.

Saturday, June 24

Feel the breeze through your pubic hair!

Bikes and naked people: two of Portland's defining features. Ride around with your clothes off and enjoy striking views of both your fellow riders and the city. Fernhill Park, 6010 NE 37th Ave., 503-823-2525, pdxwnbr.org. 8 pm. Free. All ages.

Sunday, June 25

Take in a friendly soccer match between the Timbers and the rival Seattle Sounders.

(Emily Joan Greene)
(Emily Joan Greene)

Nuke Se-att-le! Clap-clap-clap-clap-clap! What, too much? Providence Park, 1844 SW Morrison St., timbers.com. 1 pm. Tickets go on sale in early June; check website for availability.

Monday, June 26

Sweat to the dance-punk oldies.

Why's everyone creaming themselves over the LCD Soundsystem reunion when !!! never went anywhere? Other bands from the early aughts dance-punk wave might've received more critical affection, but none understood the pulse and groove of actual dance music better than these guys. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 503-231-9663, dougfirlounge.com. 9 pm. $18 advance, $20 day of show. 21+.

Tuesday, June 27

Revel in the debauchery of Cabaret.

Now 50 years old, Cabaret is still about as racy as musical theater gets. Set in a seedy club in Weimar Germany, it's far darker than its eponymous song lets on. Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., 503-248-4335, portland5.com/keller-auditorium. 7:30 pm. $25-$85. All ages.

Wednesday, June 28

Trip the LED fantastic at Edgefield.

On his latest record, Epoch, Tycho mastermind Scott Hansen dials up the krautrock while still maintaining the technicolor ambience that pairs oh-so-well with the Bay Area group's gooey, blissed-out visuals. McMenamins Edgefield, 2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale, 503-669-8610, edgefieldconcerts.com. 6 pm. $39.50. All ages.

Thursday, June 29

Return to the land of Oz.

headout_Oz_Joanna_Gorham_4236You've probably forgotten what a horrifying nightmare of a film The Wizard of Oz is, but the flying monkeys are scary as fuck. It returns to the big screen to kick off Oz convention OzCon, with Oz expert John Fricke in attendance. Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st Ave., 503-223-4515, cinema21.com. 6:30 pm. $8.50. All ages.

Friday, June 30

See ballet for free in the Rose Garden.

Oregon Ballet Theatre's Choreography XX will premiere three works by women choreographers. If that weren't awesome enough, the company will perform the works for free in Washington Park's seriously scenic outdoor amphitheater. Washington Park Rose Garden Amphitheater, 400 SW Kingston Ave., obt.org. 7:30 pm. Free.

Saturday, July 1

Take your dad to the Waterfront Blues Festival.

The 30 years-running celebration of blues and blues-adjacent genres has moved away from big-name headliners, but a lineup of Chris Isaak, Booker T. and Canned Heat is guaranteed to get thousands of middle-age toes tapping in their flip-flops. Tom McCall Waterfront Park north and south of the Hawthorne Bridge. See waterfrontbluesfest.com for a complete schedule and ticket prices. June 30-July 4.

Sunday, July 2

See an emerging local band play in your periphery.

(Henry Cromett)
(Henry Cromett)

Playing for uninterested cool kids who are mostly there for the glorious patio space is a weekly rite of passage for the ascendant local talent that's booked at this popular weekly gig. But it's free, and that patio really is something special, so how can you blame them? Rontoms, 600 E Burnside St., 503-326-4536, rontoms.net. Free. 21+.

Monday, July 3

Celebrate the king of blockbusters.

The Hollywood is celebrating the career of Steven Spielberg with more than two weeks of screenings of nine of his most spectacular movies—including Jurassic Park, Jaws and the original Indiana Jones trilogy—all on 35 mm. Screenings kick off July 1 with E.T. the Extra Terrestrial. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-493-1128. See hollywoodtheatre.org for a schedule and tickets.

Tuesday, July 4

Watch fireworks at Oaks Park.

(Henry Cromett)
(Henry Cromett)

It ain't Disneyland, but as far as viewing fireworks in Portland, Oaks Park gives a pretty spectacular good ol' American show, with the entire park open for picnics and barbecues, and rides operating from noon to midnight. Oaks Amusement Park, 7805 SE Oaks Park Way, 503-233-5777, oakspark.com. Gates open at 10 am. $3-$6. All ages.

Wednesday, July 5

Help Helium pick a funny person.

Every year, Helium holds a crowd-judged contest to determine Portland's Funniest Person, and this is the last of the early rounds. Make sure your unique sense of humor—fart jokes! Innocuous ethnic foibles! Portland so Portland, amirite!—gets recognized. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669, portland.heliumcomedyclub.com. 7 and 10 pm. 21+.

Thursday, July 6

See a mashup of Shakespeare and the news.

Enso Theatre Ensemble's fragmented and contemporary Romeo & Juliet Project will combine excerpts of Shakespeare's script with broadcast news in a production that will be about half the length of the play you were forced to read in high school. Shaking the Tree Theatre, 823 SE Grant St., ensotheatre.com. 7:30 pm. $25.

Friday, July 7

Journey to the Black Lodge.

Feel like the only person in Portland who didn't get why the return of Twin Peaks was such a big deal? Now's the time to learn what the fuss over auteur David Lynch is all about. During the course of the summer, NW Film Center is screening all of his features, plus select films that influenced his work. NW Film Center's Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park Ave., 503-226-2811. Lineup to be announced at nwfilm.org.

Saturday, July 8

Party in the street.

The Mississippi Street Fair is probably the most iconic such event in Portland—a world of sushi, beer, designer kiddie clothes and strange art made from bird carcasses. North Mississippi Avenue between Fremont and Alberta streets, mississippiave.com/streetfair. 10 am-9 pm.

Sunday, July 9

Take drugs with hippies.

Journey south to the outskirts of Eugene for the Oregon Country Fair, the state's yearly celebration of all things crunchy. Befriend a vendor with highly coveted overnight access if you're really trying to rage, or engage in some family-friendly wook hunting during the tamer daylight hours. 24207 OR-126, Veneta, Ore., 541-343-4298, oregoncountryfair.org. $70 for a 3-day pass. July 7-9. All ages.

Monday, July 10

Get buzzed, win garbage.

Host Brian Perez's dryly witty asides are the highlight of Mississippi Pizza's weekly Bourbon and Bingo Night. The prizes are mostly novelty junk, but as the man once said, it's not whether you win or lose, but how drunk you get. Mississippi Pizza, 3552 N Mississippi Ave., 503-288-3231, mississippipizza.com. 8 pm. 21+.

Tuesday, July 11

Watch birds from a canoe.

The Lower Columbia Estuary Partnership will take you on a free canoe ride to look at birds near Ross Island. Starts from Willamette Park near Southwest Macadam Avenue and Nevada Street, estuarypartnership.org. 9:30 am. Free.

Wednesday, July 12

Troll your favorite WW staffers in person.

You've been leaving pissy comments all year, so how about you RSVP for our annual Best of Portland block party and come say that shit to our face, bro? But before you do, enjoy some great food and drinks from choice local vendors. Our treat! Willamette Week, 2220 NW Quimby St., 503-243-2122, wweek.com. 5 pm. Free with RSVP.

Thursday, July 13

Hippie dance for four straight days.

As Pickathon moves farther from its roots, figuratively and literally, the Northwest String Summit continues to pick up the slack for festies who demand at least three banjo solos per song. The lineup is secondary to the vibe, but we hear Yonder Mountain String Band has some pretty tasty licks. Horning's Hideout, 21277 NW Brunswick Canyon Road, North Plains. See stringsummit.com for a complete schedule and tickets. Through July 16.

Friday, July 14

Celebrate this thing called Prince's life.

No group of musicians knows the music of Prince as intimately as his classic band, the Revolution, who reunited after his death and are touring the country, playing his most well-known material with a revolving cast of singers. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., 971-230-0033, roselandpdx.com. 9 pm. $35 general admission, $55 balcony seating. All ages.

Saturday, July 15

Float on.

For the seventh year in a row, thousands of Portlanders agree the Willamette is clean enough to swim in and are pretty excited to prove it by locking arms and floating around in inner tubes. It's still advisable to cover any open wounds, but we'll be damned if that water isn't refreshing! Starts from Tom McCall Waterfront Park at Southwest Columbia Street and Naito Parkway, thebigfloat.com. 11 am. $5 through July 5th, $10 after. Discounted pricing under age 18. All ages.

Sunday, July 16

Watch fake bands live out their real-band dreams.

Appetite for Deception. IMAGE: Courtesy of YouTube.
Appetite for Deception. IMAGE: Courtesy of YouTube.

Can't make it to Guns N' Roses at the Gorge? Your next best option is to catch Appetite for Deception, along with 17 other tribute acts, at the seventh annual Harefest, the only all-cover-bands festival we know of. Pat's Acres Racing Complex, 6255 S Arndt Road NE, Canby, harefest.com. Through July 17. $50-$100. All ages.

[Ed. note—The published dates of Harefest are incorrect. The festival occurs Friday-Saturday, July 14-15. WW regrets the error.] 

Monday, July 17

Baile esta cumbia.

Orquestra Pacifico Tropical sounds like someone spiked the cruise-ship punch, kidnapped the cover band that was supposed to play after dinner, and replaced it with the hottest cumbia orchestra in the Pacific Northwest. Be sure to sneak a little somethin' in your Hydro Flask for this one. Sellwood Riverfront Park, Southeast Spokane Street and Oaks Parkway, 503-823-7529, portlandoregon.gov/parks. 6:30 pm. Free. All ages.

Tuesday, July 18

See a movie with a friend for the price of one.

(Henry Cromett)
(Henry Cromett)

The cheap tickets and primo beer selection have already earned Montavilla's Academy Theater first place in our ranking of neighborhood second-run theaters, but it gets even better on Tuesdays when admission is 2-for-1. Reinvest the savings in a slice of pizza from Flying Pie next door and you've got yourself one heck of an air-conditioned night of value. Academy Theater, 7818 SE Stark St., 503-252-0500, academytheaterpdx.com. All ages.

Wednesday, July 19

See standup from four of Portland's funniest people.

You're Welcome's guest lineup of local and non-local comedians is usually pretty solid, but at the very least, half the sets will be by local, seriously funny comedians and hosts Caitlin Weierhauser, Adam Pasi, Marcus Coleman and Matt Monroe. Mississippi Pizza, 3552 N Mississippi Ave., 503-288-3231, mississippipizza.com. 9:30 pm. Free.

Thursday, July 20

Start your weekend early on a Portland Spirit afternoon cruise.

Get out of work early on Thursday and get on the boat for a two-hour cruise with music and booze. Salmon Street Springs Dock, 1000 SW Naito Parkway, portlandspirit.com. 3-5 pm. $30.

Friday, July 21

Scout Portland's future Best New Bands. 

Mic Capes (foreground) and Rasheed Jamal at PDX Pop Now. IMAGE: Megan Nanna.
Mic Capes (foreground) and Rasheed Jamal at PDX Pop Now. IMAGE: Megan Nanna.

Anyone who thinks Portland's music scene is nothing but sad indie dudes and warbling ukulele players needs to spend some time at PDX Pop Now, which brings together a broad sample platter of the best local sounds—from punk to jazz, folk to hip-hop, metal to EDM—all under one bridge. The Hawthorne, to be precise. AudioCinema, 226 SE Madison St., pdxpopnow.com. Through July 23. Free. All ages.

Saturday, July 22

Immerse yourself in DIY culture. 

Since 2001, the Portland Zine Symposium has been bringing together hordes of independent publishers to host free workshops, panels and discussions. Plus, you can leave with an armful of the coolest coffee-table magazines of anyone you know. Jade/APANO Multicultural Space, 8114 SE Division St., portlandzinesymposium.org. Noon. Free. All ages.

Sunday, July 23

Dance to "Uptown Funk" somewhere other than in a reception hall. 

About the only two things America agrees on these days are the Rock and Bruno Mars—and at least Bruno isn't threatening to run for president. He's content supplying wedding DJs with all the funk and R&B jams they'll need for the next 20 years, and God bless him for it. Moda Center, 1 N Center Court St., 503-235-8771, rosequarter.com. $49.50-$125. All ages.

Monday, July 24

Trump somebody.

Trumping is not as awful as it sounds—unless it's your partner's ace. Every other week is euchre night at this deep-dish pizza spot. Learn the official card game of the Midwestern United States while eating a slice and drinking a couple $6.50 Maker's 'n' Cokes. Via Chicago, 2013 NE Alberta St., 503-719-6809, viachicagopizza.com. 6-10 pm.

Tuesday, July 25

See the new Christopher Nolan movie on 70 mm film.

Christopher Nolan shot Dunkirk, his new war movie about the evacuation of 400,000 Allied soldiers from the beach of France, on 70 mm. Portland's Hollywood Theatre is one of a handful across the country that can screen it in wide format. Buy tickets early and don't miss it. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-493-1128, hollywoodtheatre.org. Opens July 21.

Wednesday, July 26

Attend the largest beer festival of the season.

The Oregon Brewers Festival, the biggest and oldest beer festival in the state, is also the best place to bring a burgeoning craft-beer junkie, as more than 80,000 friends, enemies, and strangers "woo" their way through the heat to try a massive selection of craft beer from all over the nation. Tom McCall Waterfront Park, Naito Parkway between Southwest Harrison and Northwest Glisan streets. Noon-9 pm. Continues noon-9 pm Thursday-Saturday and noon-7 pm Sunday, July 26-30. Free admission; souvenir mug $7, tasting tokens $1.

Thursday, July 27

Buy cool art at Last Thursday.

Alberta's infamous street fair has endured all manner of chaos and fuckery throughout its lengthy run, so if you're relatively new to the city, it's worth your time to check it out before it's too late. Northeast Alberta Street between 15th and 30th avenues. 6 pm. Free. All ages.

Friday, July 28

Make fun of bad movies with robots.

After almost two decades, Mystery Science Theater 3000 is back—and still really funny. The show's live tour will include performances by current host Jonah Ray and series creator Joel Hodgson, plus lots of wacky robot mayhem. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, portland5.com. 8 pm. $39.50-$299.

Saturday, July 29

Put on some fins and join a parade of mermaids.

(Christine Dong)
(Christine Dong)

Last year, Una the mermaid became a local sensation, when she hung out at the Salmon Street Springs Fountain all day and sang songs from The Little Mermaid. Now, she's hosting a mermaid parade for the second year in a row, which will include a mermaid beach swim and beach party at Poets Beach and conclude in a 21-plus Sirens' Masquerade Ball after-party. Japanese American Historical Plaza, 2 NW Naito Parkway, portlandiamermaidparade.com. Noon-4 pm. Free. All ages.

Sunday, July 30

Dress like a wizard for Harry Potter's birthday.

(Warner Bros. Pictures)
(Warner Bros. Pictures)

This weekend, Vancouver transforms from a slightly underrated suburb into a wonderland of wizards, elves and all the other whimsical shit in the Harry Potter universe to celebrate its hero's July 31 birthday. Kiggins Theatre screens all eight films from the blockbusting series over the weekend, and downtown Vancouver transforms into Diagon Alley. Kiggins Theatre, 1011 Main St., Vancouver, Wash., 360-816-0352, kigginstheatre.net. July 28-31.

Monday, July 31

Get Wet.

Before Paul Rudd, Elizabeth Banks, Bradley Cooper and Amy Poehler were all extremely famous—and most of the rest of the cast normally famous—they starred in David Wain's hilarious sendup of '80s camp comedies, Wet Hot American Summer. It was brought back with the original cast intact for a miniseries on Netflix in 2015, but you should catch the original on the big screen for free as part of the Clinton Street Theater's Resistance Series. Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton St., 503-238-5588, cstpdx.com. 7 pm.

Tuesday, Aug. 1

Eat tons of pie.

Some of the best pie makers in town—whether pizza pie or pie pie–will be on hand making you pie for Willamette Week's second annual Pie Hard event, naturally called Pie Harder. Ecliptic Brewing, 825 N Cook St., 503-265-8002, eclipticbrewing.com. 5-9 pm.

Wednesday, Aug. 2

Take your kid to see your favorite band when you were in middle school.

Green Day gets older, but its fans stay the same age. Few rock bands have proven able to regenerate a young audience like these pop-punk warhorses—a testament to the enduring power of songs so simple an 11-year-old can play them. Moda Center, 1 N Center Court St., 503-235-8771, rosequarter.com. 7 pm. $29-$225. All ages.

Thursday, Aug. 3

Sleep in the same woods where you'll mosh to Dinosaur Jr.

Bridget Baker
Bridget Baker

Every year, Pickathon's reputation as the country's best little music festival grows, while the festival itself stays the same—small, sustainable and impeccably booked. This year's headliners include Charles Bradley, Dinosaur Jr. and Drive-By Truckers. Pendarvis Farm, 16581 SE Hagen Road, Happy Valley, pickathon.com. Through Aug. 6. Single-day passes $125, weekend passes $310. All ages.

Friday, Aug. 4

Chastise trustafarians for appropriating dreadlocks.

What's summer without a little reggae? The Wailers—as in, "Bob Marley and the"—is now led by bassist Aston Barrett, but the songs are so timeless it really doesn't matter who's playing them. Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark St., 503-288-3895. 8 pm. $25 advance, $30 day of show. 21+.

Saturday, Aug. 5

Abuse your taste buds.

The second annual PDX Hot Sauce Expo lets you participate in something called the Reaper Eating Contest, eat spicy pizzas and tacos "from hell," enter the "Slaytanic" burrito challenge, and watch a bunch of yappy chihuahuas in a beauty pageant. OMSI parking lot, 1945 SE Water Ave., pdxhotsauceexpo.com. Through Aug. 6. Free. All ages.

Sunday, Aug. 6

Celebrate the 10th anniversary of Tim and Eric.

Since creeping their way into America's comedy subconscious with Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!, the duo of Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim have established themselves as two of the most brilliantly disturbed minds to have ever graduated from Cartoon Network's Adult Swim lineup, and the bizarre universe they built from scratch is definitely a place worth revisiting. Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark St., 503-288-3895, revolutionhall.com. 9:30 pm. $47.50.

Monday, Aug. 7

Watch Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan for free.

(Henry Cromett)
(Henry Cromett)

KHAAAAAN! Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton St., cstpdx.com, 503-238-5588. 7 pm. Free.

Tuesday, Aug. 8

Tap a beer.

(Bridget Baker)
(Bridget Baker)

Every Tuesday the House of Sour taps a new, exciting, weird beer from a barrel in the cellar—with a big ol' hammer, while you watch. Cascade Brewing Barrel House, 939 SE Belmont St., 503-265-8603, cascadebrewingbarrelhouse.com. 6 pm.

Wednesday, Aug. 9

Go swimming at Blue Lake.

(Blue Lake) WW Staff
(Blue Lake) WW Staff

Blue Lake Regional Park is a near-perfect circle of manicured fields and paved walking paths bordering the man-made lake. It is the type of nature area with a paved fountain area so kids can get wet without dirtying their feet. For summer sports, it's unbeatable. 20500 NW Marine Drive, Fairview, 503-665-4995, 8 am-sunset daily. $5 parking.

Thursday, Aug. 10

Catch up on summer blockbusters.

Summer is a time for movie explosions. Skip work and catch up on the latest Transformers and Marvel flicks, ideally at a discount at Portland's second-run theaters like the Academy and Laurelhurst.

Friday, Aug. 11

Smoke one to "On the Road Again."

Willie Nelson's probably gonna outlive us all, but at age 84, you can never be too sure, so best celebrate the last outlaw left alive while you still can. Tickets are gone, but you can probably score one in the parking lot for a bag of shake and some Zig-Zags. McMenamins Edgefield, 2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale, 503-669-8610, edgefieldconcerts.com. 6:30 pm. Sold out. All ages.

Saturday, Aug. 12

Shop at a classically bizarre bazaar.

Don't let the tourists and suburbanites deter you from one of downtown's oldest traditions. Saturday Market is still the best place in town to pick up drug rugs, small-batch hot sauce, and acid-casualty street art all in one place. Skidmore Fountain, Southwest Naito Parkway and Ankeny Street, portlandsaturdaymarket.com. 10 am-5 pm Saturday and 11 am-4:30 pm Sunday through Christmas Eve.

Sunday, Aug. 13

Eat samosas in the square.

Watch traditional Indian dance and eat kickass spicy food at the annual India Festival. Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW 6th Ave., icaportland.org, 11 am-9 pm. Free.

Monday, Aug. 14

Live your rock-star fantasies.

Join Voodoo Doughnut co-founder Tres Shannon and a rotating band of Old Town OG's in this weekly, live-band celebration of bad karaoke that leads to even worse hangovers. Dante's, 350 W Burnside St., 866-777-8932, danteslive.com. $3. 21+.

Tuesday, Aug. 15

Cosplay as a cowboy at the Canby Rodeo.

It's closer than Pendleton, and you still get to witness an entire culture that doesn't exist in Portland, one where you can watch barrel racing, bareback riding, steer wrestling, tie-down roping and something called "saddle bronc." Giddyup! Clackamas County Fairgrounds, 694 NE 4th Ave., Canby, clackamas.us/fair/rodeo.html. 7:30 pm. Through Aug. 19. $17-$22. All ages.

Wednesday, Aug. 16

Watch a weird-ass movie at Church of Film.

Every Wednesday and first and third Monday, arthouse collective Church of Film screens foreign films that never made it to theaters in the United States. It announce its schedule at the beginning of every month, but no matter what, you'll be getting a weirdo masterpiece you've probably never heard of. See facebook.com/churchoffilm for schedule and locations.

Thursday, Aug. 17

Play urban putt-putt.

Glow-in-the-dark mini-golf mazes are cool and all, but cracking a cold one and putting your way through a nine-hole course inside the beer garden of a luxury hotel is much more fun when the sun is shining. Hotel deLuxe, 729 SW 15th Ave., 503-219-2094, hoteldeluxeportland.com. 3-10 pm Wednesday- Sunday.

Friday, Aug. 18

Take a sonic journey to 2002.

It's been a long, strange trip watching Incubus devolve from SoCal's premier aggro-funk outfit to nu metal for yogis, but you really can't beat the experience of getting baked and watching oft-shirtless frontman Brandon Boyd sway to "Aqueous Transmission" from a cozy blanket on the lawn of a suburban amphitheater in a wooded suburb of Vancouver. Sunlight Supply Amphitheater, 17200 NE Delfel Road, Ridgefield, Wash., 360-816-7000, sunlightsupplyamphitheater.com. 6:45 pm. $20-$79.50. All ages.

Saturday, Aug. 19

Cheer on your favorite soapbox car at the annual derby.

Join thousands of people and watch 40-plus teams of adult racers in handmade contraptions barrel down a hill at the annual Adult Soapbox Derby, which celebrates its 20th year this summer. Mount Tabor Park, Southeast Division Street and 72nd Avenue, soapboxracer.com. 9:30 am-4 pm. Free. All ages.

Sunday, Aug. 20

Visit the brand-new building at the Portland Japanese Garden.

Now home to an 185-foot wall, a tea room and a variety of educational facilities, the Japanese Garden has been transformed into a dazzlingly modern facility that's sure to be a prime tourist attraction for generations to come. Portland Japanese Garden, 611 SW Kingston Ave., 503-223-1321, japanesegarden.org. Noon-7 pm Monday, 10 am-7 pm Tuesday-Sunday. $10.45-$14.95. All ages.

Monday, Aug. 21

Attend the Coachella of rare astrological events.

In what appears to be Ochoco National Forest's very own Fyre Fest, this festival promises seven stages of music and luxury camping, with yoga and dance classes, theater and circus performance, and giant art installations, all during the first coast-to-coast solar eclipse since 1918. Big Summit Prairie, Ochoco National Forest, oregoneclipse2017.com. Aug. 17-23. Check website for ticket information.

Tuesday, Aug. 22

Two words: Jet. Boats.

Jet boats, motherfucker! Willamette Jetboat Excursions, 1945 SE Water Ave., 503-231-1532, willamettejet.com. 11:25 am and 4:15 pm daily. $41 adults, $27 children.

Wednesday, Aug. 23

Go to a collaborative, multimedia art exhibit.

Unlike most group shows put together by a curator, the last exhibit in Upfor's summer series will be put together by the artists themselves. See Morehshin Allahyari's 3-D-printed sculptures of the most vicious goddess in Middle Eastern mythologies; Brenna Murphy's Axis Spread, which will be rearranged every single day; and Katie Torn's surreal animation. Upfor Gallery, 929 NW Flanders St., 503-227-5111, upforgallery.com. Free.

Thursday, Aug. 24

Go swimming in one of the city's most scenic pools.

It costs an obscene amount of money to be a student at Lewis & Clark, but you can swim in the college's outdoor pool in its ridiculously beautiful garden for free. Lewis & Clark College, 0615 SW Palatine Hill Road, 503-768-7000. 1:30-6:30 pm.

Friday, Aug. 25

Eat Italian food in the square.

Festa Italiana returns to Pioneer Courthouse Square with lots of tasty Italian food, music and movies. Mamma mia! Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW 6th Ave., 503-226-1191, festa-italiana.org. 11 am-11 pm. Through Aug. 26. Free.

Saturday, Aug. 26

Guzzle PBR until Die Antwoord makes sense.

The second year of the music festival Voltron known as MusicfestNW presents Project Pabst is full of legends: punk godfather Iggy Pop, East Coast rap icon Nas, Beck the funky Scientologist. But don't be surprised if the act everyone comes away talking about is South African freak rappers Die Antwoord—even if most of the talk is along the lines of, "What the hell was that?!" Tom McCall Waterfront Park, Southwest Naito Parkway at Yamhill Street, projectpabst.com. Through Aug. 27. 21+.

Sunday, Aug. 27

Stock up on samples at the Hawthorne Street Fair.

Walk leisurely down Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard, stopping to catch music at 38th Avenue or a drink at the beer gardens at Bazi Bierbrasserie on 32nd. There's also a bounce house, free ukulele classes, and vintage clothing pop-ups. And you know New Seasons will be on its samples A-game. Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard between 30th and 50th avenues, hawthornepdx.com. 11 am-7 pm. Free. All ages.

Monday, Aug. 28

Take your Tinder date to the game bar.

(Sam Gehrke)
(Sam Gehrke)

Game Knight Lounge, Portland's first game hangout that actually works as a bar, is having a date night special, with two-player games and drink and snacks served up for two. Order a $6 Medoyeff vodka tonic, and sink your date's battleship. Everyone's a winner. Game Knight Lounge, 3037 N Williams Ave., pdxgameknight.com, 5-11 pm. $2 for unlimited games. 21+.

Tuesday, Aug. 29

Make like Bono and sing on a roof.

Portland's drop-in choir, the OK Chorale, leads a "campfire sing-along" on the Revolution Hall roof deck. Even if you hate the sound of the human voice, you can't beat the view. Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark St.., 503-288-3895, revolutionhall.com. 6:30 pm. $20 advance, $22 day of show. 21+.

Wednesday, Aug. 30

Watch the best Coen brothers film at a French patisserie.

Pix's free movie-and-drinks series bookends its summer stretch with Fargo, the classic tale of North Midwestern murder and mayhem, which went on to inspire the excellent FX series of the same name. We can almost taste the white Russians now! Pix/Bar Vivant, 2225 E Burnside St., 971-271-7166, pixpatisserie.com. 8 pm. Free. All ages.

Thursday, Aug. 31

Watch James Franco impersonate Riff Raff under the stars.

The jury is still out on whether Harmony Korine and his creepy-ass movies are actually good or not. Nonetheless, Spring Breakers, his 2013 look at a group of teens who team up with rapper Alien (James Franco) and turn to armed robbery, is a lot of heavy-handed fun. Watch it on the roof of the Hotel deLuxe as part of NW Film Center's five-week Top Down: Rooftop Cinema series, also featuring The Evil Dead and This Is Spinal Tap. Hotel deLuxe, 729 SW 15th Ave., 503-221-1156, nwfc.org. Film starts at dusk. $10 advance, $12 at the door.

Friday, Sept. 1

Make friends with carnies.

Make the trek down to the Oregon State Fair in Salem for country music, fried food and enough macro-brewed beer to make all that stuff interesting! Oregon State Fair & Exposition Center, 2330 NE 17th St., Salem, 971-701-6573, oregonstatefair.org. Aug. 25-Sept. 4.

Saturday, Sept. 2

Pickle that.

So many nice things are fermented: pickles, vinegar, kimchi, kombucha, weird bar eggs. Oh, and alcohol, including plenty of cider and mead. All will be on hand at the Oregon Fermentation Festival. Rossi Farms, 3839 NE 122nd Ave., oregonfermentationfestival.com. 11 am-5 pm.

Sunday, Sept. 3

Consider the decay of your youth at the Guns N' Roses reunion tour.

Do you know where you arrrrre?! You're in the Gorge, baby! You're gonna diiiiieeeee if you don't get your cholesterol under control. And have you gotten that mole checked out? Gorge Amphitheatre, 754 Silica Road NW, Quincy, Wash., 509-785-6262, georgeamphitheatre.com. 7:30 pm. $75-$773. All ages.

Monday, Sept. 4

Do nothing.

No one labors on Labor Day, and if you've adhered to even one-tenth of this guide, you've earned some time in the recliner. Sit back, relax and wait for the rain.