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Due to the impending threat of nuclear war, I've been learning more about North Korea than I ever wanted to.
Like, I just recently learned that the country's official name is "The Democratic People's Republic of Korea." And that's pretty misleading, because calling North Korea a democratic republic is like calling Kim Jong-Un a fashion icon or Donald Trump an attentive father (though, to be fair, he pays a lot of attention to Ivanka, but in a less-than-fatherly kind of a way).
Tensions have always been high between the United States and North Korea. But recently, things have gotten so bad that the U.S. government is now barring American citizens from traveling to North Korea, which begs the question: Who the fuck is still visiting North Korea?
Look, I'm sure it's a beautiful place full of culture, food (for the tourists, not the citizens), and festivities, but what can you get in North Korea that you can't get in South Korea? It's not like the gift shops at their labor camps sell particularly great tchotchkes.
Actually, I think the only people who would really be interested in visiting North Korea are meth heads, because it turns out the country has a huge drug problem. And that makes sense when you consider that North Korea is on a peninsula and known throughout the world as being a shitty place to live. So it's pretty much the Florida of Asia. The only real difference is that the meth heads in North Korea are way more useful.
In addition to selling drugs to fund much of its nuclear research, there are reports of the North Korean government feeding its workers crystal meth in an attempt to speed up production on important projects. And the only thing more terrifying than a functional, professionally crafted, North Korean nuclear weapon headed our way is the thought that their bomb was created by a bunch of methed out physicists who built a janky-ass nuke from the copper they ripped out of other people's houses.
In response to all of Kim Jong-Un's nuclear tests, the U.S. military tested its own unarmed intercontinental ballistic missiles at the top of this month. The last ICBM tested by the U.S. was the Minuteman III missile. Interestingly enough, "Minuteman Missile" is also what Melania calls her husband's dick. And not just because Trump only lasts a minute in bed, but because his dick is a terrible thing that ruins lives and destroys everything it touches.
Anyways, it looks like there's a decent chance that we're all going to die in the hellish flames of nuclear obliteration. So you may as well go ahead and get extra drunk this weekend.
