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Happy 420, Portland!
This high holiday, tune in to your inner David Attenborough and take a moment to consider the native Stonius cannibonius, otherwise known as the Portland stoner. Perhaps (probably) even you fall within this rare classification. Many phenotypes of the animal thrive in the evergreen landscape of this area: besuited professional stoners with stock portfolios, $400 dab rigs, and gold-plated blinkers; sweatsuit-clad athletic stoners, often observed hotboxing pre-rolls in the parking lots of Planet and/or 24 Hour Fitness; even parental and grandparental stoners, whose varied and diverse uses of the plant can not only ease care, but also promote a loving connection within familial circles.
There are infinite subcategories of Portland stoner, but a few generalities may apply to each of the aforementioned types. Stonius cannibonius is many things, but easily pigeonholed is not one of them. So, Attenborough aficionado or nah, here are a few dope suggestions on how to praise her holy stoniness in the field on this annual cannabis holiday, regardless of where you fall along the anthropological scale of Portlanders who stay, colloquially speaking, stoned to the bone. (Ask your budtender about these strains and products as selections can vary from day to day.)
Outdoorsy Stoner
Strain: Durban Poison
Munch: Oregon Trail Mix by Portland Kitchen + Hapy Kitchen Muddy Buddy Cookies
Hike: Larch Mountain
This cannathusiast is just as hyped to hike the trail as they are to hit the blunt. On this holiday, users who prefer to maximize the effects of their highs in the wild outdoors have several vista, landscape, and wilderness options to get baked and swoon over, but Larch Mountain and its sweeping, multimountain view are well worth the effort and the sacrifice of your quads. Durban Poison, a hyphy, upbeat strain, is the perfect accompaniment to kick-start your journey, and a single serving of Hapy Kitchen’s Muddy Buddy Cookie can help maintain the bouncy, elastic body effects while keeping the head high crisp and clear.
Indoorsy Stoner
Strain: 9 Pound Hammer
Munch: A whole Stouffer’s lasagna + Grön Pearls
YouTube playlist: Trixie and Katya UNHhhh
For the subdued, less exertion-inclined indoorsy pothead, what could beat bedrotting or couch-locking with a belly full of cheese and a playlist that you can watch while utterly toasted? Bonus points for withholding effort in any particular direction past your bong. For the uninitiated, UNHhhh, the web series starring drag juggernauts Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova, is an irreverent 15 minutes of crass, queer, and reliably hilarious riffing that your stoned ass can drift in and out of without losing the plot. 9 Pound Hammer is a deeply relaxing cultivar that users typically find softly sedative rather than incapacitating. Grön Pearls are low-dose gummies in a variety of effects and flavors that can either be matched to uplift the sleepier flower high, or to support an even deeper relaxation.
Party Stoner
Strain: Blue Dream
Munch: A bag of microwave popcorn + Hellavated gummies
Event: Dispo parking lot parties (check your local spots)
For the dro-blowing social butterfly, the dearth of loudly publicized 420 events can feel like a personal attack; however, the parking lot vendor events that will undoubtedly perfume the city for the entire day will assuredly be going awf. Check in with your local spot, and also rest assured that Northeast Dekum Street’s Potland dispo has a very highly regarded annual parking lot event, to which you are definitely invited. Blue Dream might provide the perfect balance of carefree head high and cashmere body buzz, and a Hellavated gummy will launch those effects into the stratosphere, which likely makes offering other 420 revelers a handful of your popcorn a perfectly logical way to make a new friend.
Picnic Stoner
Strain: Gelato varietals
Snack: Charcuterie + Tasty’s PB Cookie
Location: Skidmore Bluffs
Somewhere between the high-energy vibes of outdoorsy, the sweet indulgence of indoorsy, and the warm geniality of party stoners lies the picnic stoner. More apt to settle into a small smoke circle of besties than climb a mountain, eat an entire tray of pasta, or mix among a crowd of blazed strangers, the picnicking cannacuties still appreciate those affairs, albeit in more of a microdose form. For these delegates, we suggest puffing Gelato, a citrusy, uplifting cultivar with mellow, mollifying body effects, and a decidedly mood-lifting head high, while parlaying with friends on the wide, picnic-friendly lawns of Skidmore Bluffs. Pro tip: Share one of Tasty’s PB Cookies among the folks included on your picnic blanket to make sure the charcuterie is popping because the munchies are going to land like a water balloon on hot pavement.
