Skip to main contentOn Wednesday, once the bombs began to fall, I did what any self-respecting fag would do--I went to a queer bar.
Sadly, Portland's pink zone was as empty as downtown Baghdad. Hell, you could've rolled a tank down Southwest Stark Street and no one would have noticed.
Well, no one except Joe Sailor.
I met Joe just minutes before midnight, right after a bartender at the Silverado told me I could find a real live soldier at the center of the dance/strip club.
A real...live...soldier? In a queer bar?
By now I guess you've realized Joe Sailor isn't his real name. I can't give you his real name, because if I did, Joe would be kicked out of the armed forces.
Joe told me he was a 22-year-old New York native who's serving in the Coast Guard in Astoria. Twice a week this buff, single dude travels to P-town to go to the queer clubs. During the summer, as a rescue swimmer, he jumps out of helicopters and into the ocean. He has a pierced ear and two pierced nipples. He says he enlisted because he "wanted to save lives."
Maybe that has something to do with the fact that Joe has seen so much death and destruction. Joe says that on Sept. 11, 2001, as an intern for an investment firm in New York City, he was working on the 82nd floor of Tower One at the World Trade Center when the world came crashing down. In a weird twist of fate, a cigarette saved his life. If a friend had not asked him to join her on a break, Joe would not have been out of the building when all hell broke loose.
"I know 109 people who died," says Joe. "That's why I joined up."
Despite the incredible challenges he may have faced as a civilian, Joe seems to have found his place in military life--for now.
"I haven't encountered problems with 'don't ask, don't tell,'" said Joe. "People don't realize [the policy] is designed for all military personnel, both gay and straight. They can't ask me [if I am gay or straight], and I can't tell them."
Still, he wishes the military could handle the truth when it came to queer soldiers. He also wishes that his country at large supported the fact that he's gay, too.
"If my country has a problem with me being gay," said Joe, "that's their problem, not mine."
Despite those fears, this G.I.-friendly Joe is all gung-ho regarding the military campaign in its efforts to whack off Saddam Hussein. He thinks the "problem" in Iraq should've been handled back when he was in junior high, and he says he is ready, willing and more than able to help out his country.
"If I was asked to go to Iraq, I'd go," said Joe. "We should have done this 10 years ago."
GIVEAWAY
Yo, Homo!
Head to Balloons on Broadway to pick up your free (that's right, free!) copy of Brit diva Sophie Ellis Bextor's extended dance remix of "Murder on the Dance Floor." Supposedly, she's the next Kylie.
Balloons on Broadway, 617 SW Washington St., 241-3336. Music giveaway is at noon Wednesday, March 26. Supplies are limited, so one per person.
EVENTS
Red Dress Party
It's time for the RDP, a fundraiser for Cascade AIDS Project's Kids Connection program. Not only does it promise to be a night full of queens screaming, "Show us your panties!" but it's being held at the same spot where they held last year's notorious "Prison Camp" party. Naughty!
2119 N Kerby Ave., reddresspdx
@yahoo.
com. 9 pm Saturday, March 29. $20.
WWeek 2015