Monkeys in cages. Salmon in trucks.

Winners

You wouldn't think

would have any pull in Oregon, one of the few states that doesn't put fluoride in its water. But a state report last week slamming rampant rot in our children's teeth reads like it came straight from would-be fluoridators—or an underpaid dentist's office.

2 The University of Portland women's soccer team overcame its annual tournament hose job by the NCAA—getting sent to play early-round games on the road despite a high seed. The Pilots' reward for winning two road contests last week and advancing to the third round: an actual home game this Saturday, Nov. 24, against Tennessee.

3 In a PR coup by local scientists who experiment on animals , OHSU researchers announced breakthroughs on monkey stem-cell cloning following major successes cloning precursors to monkey embryos. The news broke the day after PETA announced it had infiltrated OHSU's primate-research center and found evidence of abuse against monkeys. Maybe the million-dollar clones will get more respect. (See page 12 for more on PETA's infiltration.)

Losers

Look for a whole lot more car washes at Jesuit High School. The

of which the westside high school is part, agreed to pay out $50 million this week to compensate victims abused by Jesuit priests in Alaska. Can the kids wash away their elders' sins?

2Salmon lose again. The Federal Energy Regulatory Commission last week OK-ed the relicensing of four controversial PacifiCorp dams on the Klamath River in Southern Oregon. That fishy decision comes despite federal studies showing scrapping the dams to be cheaper—not to mention better for fish—than herding salmon into traps and trucking them 80 miles around the dams.

3 Budding artists feel the heat after a Southern Oregon first-grader was suspended from school for drawing a stick figure shooting another stick figure in the head. Stick to tanks and planes, kids! It's not murder when the U.S. government does it.

WWeek 2015