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Tucker Max is aware of Tucker Max, even if Tucker Max is likely unaware of Tucker Max.
The local queer nightlife personality learned about the controversial (and heterosexual) I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell author after getting an email protesting his involvement with Portland’s LGBTQ+ community. The case of mistaken identity hasn’t inspired Max to change his name or anything about his “play parties” for queer men and nonbinary people. What started as one athletic apparel party—Yes Coach, back in 2023—has since expanded into monthly costume-encouraged parties at the Pearl District alternative lifestyle event space Sanctuary Club and the North Portland gay bar The Eagle.
“This is a sex party you can dance at, not a dance party you can have sex at,” Max says. “It’s OK to be a wallflower a little bit, [but] try to contribute. Flirt with people, start conversations…be brave enough to say hi.”
Play parties like Yes Coach offer gay, bisexual, queer and pansexual men and their partners—which can include women, by the way—a space that lets them get friskier than might be accepted at a dance or strip club, but more social and less hardcore than a bath house. Max moved to Portland in 2018 from Arizona for its natural beauty and queer community. After getting divorced in 2022, he immersed himself in local nightlife, and chose a name for himself that fit an online gay fantasy persona. He’s also estranged from his family and describes his name change as “liberating.”
“‘Max’ used to be a [name] if you don’t want to use your real name when you’re trying to meet people on the internet,” he explains. “‘Tucker’ felt more innocent, because when it came to kink or pup play in the queer community, I have felt new and amateur to the whole space, so it just came to me one day.”
He didn’t see many play parties like those more common in San Francisco and New York, so he set out to throw one. Inspired by male fantasy archetypes from gay porn—as well as a positive first experience on a gay travel cruise—Max threw Yes Coach in November 2023 as a charitable party for his title with the Oregon State Leather Contest, the state’s largest leather culture pageant. The success of that party at Sanctuary, which led to similar themes for leather western wear, business suits, and a wide-ranging zombie hunter party for military uniform fetishists. The most recent Yes Coach threw an ’80s spin on athletic gear like Jazzercise. All feature experienced DJs and visual art activations, like a Polaroid photo booth collaboration with photographer Michael Espinoza.
Max’s favorite part of hosting play parties is seeing how people with different interests socialize. Max is bisexual and says, until recently, he lived a pretty heteronormative lifestyle. He has since made connections in communities like Burning Man, the Oregon Country Fair, and the long-running fetish website FetLife. He has seen bisexual-focused events that he jokes are for “bi women and confused men,” but noted an improved experience for all partners when each person allows their sexuality to be expressed more freely queer. But he also openly admits his parties might not be for everyone.
“Gay men: There might be some females there. If that doesn’t sound like the party for you, there’s a bath house you can go to, but I want to challenge people to take a step outside their comfort zone,” Max says.
Fed up with Meta’s restrictive censorship practices, Max encourages people who seek connection free from social media to return to the olden ways of web forums, printed posters and, yes, alt-weekly newspapers. Max’s biggest fantasy would be to turn his party into a weekend-long festival as big as parties thrown during legendary San Francisco events such as Folsom Street Fair or the Purple Party in Dallas, Texas.
“Circuit parties are on their way out, but the circuit festival structure is still there,” he says. “It can be really positive. Some are not great: They’re not diverse, people are rude, they’re on substances, but some events with the same structure are the complete opposite of that.”
Tucker Max’s Tips for First-Time Play Party Guests
Balance is everything. Max says confidence is key, but so is being able to read the room and pick up on nonverbal cues—and remembering that different cues mean different things in different contexts. For example, those familiar with gay cruising culture can read a lingering gaze as an invitation, while those unfamiliar can find it threatening. “Words and consent trumps anything,” Max says.
Keep expectations realistic. The rule is the same for love and lust: When you’re looking for fun, it usually approaches you when you’re not looking for it. If you enter a play party expecting to hook up with someone, you might leave feeling resentful. But if you go instead hoping just to see something fun or talk to someone interesting, you’ll have a better time. Likewise, remember that you probably won’t fall in love with whomever you meet. If you expect love to blossom overnight, you’ll be disappointed. Just try to enjoy yourself.
When in doubt, wear a chest harness. It might be a cliché, but Max says there’s nothing wrong with falling back on this classic silhouette if you can’t think of what else to wear but want to spice up your look. It might not be original, but it conveys an attractive sense of effort.
