Melo My Mind

Carmelo Anthony is a Portland Trail Blazer. Finally. The ailing Blazers signed the Hall of Fame-bound forward—who's been without an NBA team for a year—to a small, non-guaranteed contract last week. He debuted with the team last night, scoring 10 points on 4-14 shooting in a 104-115 loss to the New Orleans Pelicans. But even if his numbers don't get much better, who cares? Carmelo is cool and fun. And now, you might find him housing Steam Burgers next to you at Canard. It's a can't-lose proposition!

Colin O’Brady
Colin O’Brady

Come Row Away

Following his record-breaking solo trek across Antarctica last December, Portland endurance athlete Colin O'Brady went on The Tonight Show to announce his next endeavor: He will attempt to become the first person to cross the incredibly dangerous Drake Passage by boat. "Get this," O'Brady told host Jimmy Fallon, "I've never rowed a boat anywhere in my life." O'Brady and a team of five others will depart in two weeks. The journey will be documented by the Discovery Channel.

Ex-Changes

The bad news: After 23 years, CD Game Exchange, the Portland music and video game retailer, has closed its last remaining location. The good news: Local musician (and former employee) Mo Troper (pictured) has bought the original Hawthorne store, and will be rebranding it as Hawthorne Game Exchange. Troper says the new business will focus on retro video games and vinyl. "I've been going to that specific store since I was 7," Troper tells WW. "The place means a lot to me."

Dam It

A Corvallis brewery is beefing with Bend's Anheuser-Busch-owned 10 Barrel for allegedly stealing its slogan. Dave Marliave, owner and brewmaster of Flat Tail Brewing, took to social media after a friend spotted a 10 Barrel semitrailer rolling through town bearing the phrase "Dam Good Beer," a tagline Flat Tail has used for almost a decade. 10 Barrel then offered to put the slogan on the line in a boat race. "Don't pretend to be the good guys while literally ransoming our own slogan back to us," Marliave fired back. In a statement to WW, 10 Barrel says it was joking about the boat race but is working to swap out the graphics on the trucks.

IMAGE: Courtesy of NBC.
IMAGE: Courtesy of NBC.

Sondland Night Live

Well, it was bound to happen eventually: Gordon Sondland showed up as a character on Saturday Night Live. This past weekend's episode opened with a sketch portraying the presidential impeachment hearings as a soap opera. Sondland, played by cast member Kyle Mooney, appears to declare that his lapsed memory of a quid pro quo was due to (dramatic pause) "amnesia!"

IMAGE: Visitor7 / Wiki Commons.
IMAGE: Visitor7 / Wiki Commons.

Bye Bye Byways

Byways Cafe, one of Portland's breakfast institutions, will close up shop by the end of the year. The 20-year-old classic diner once had the honor of being visited by the Mayor of Flavortown himself, Guy Fieri, who raved about the corned beef hash and housemade desserts on an episode of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.

(Sam Gehrke)
(Sam Gehrke)

Ta-Ta Trifecta

Trifecta, the tavern and bakery owned by Portland restaurateur Ken Forkish, has announced that it will close at the end of the year, The Oregonian first reported. Opened in a former auto body shop in 2013, Trifecta was Forkish's third restaurant, following Ken's Artisan Pizza and Ken's Artisan Bakery. It soon became a Portland favorite, known for its oysters, small plates and craft cocktails. Forkish did not provide a reason for closing the restaurant, but told The Oregonian he'd been "contemplating the closure for some time."

Karm’s a Chameleon

It brings us no joy to report this, but Beaverton's own Ian Karmel belongs to the Lakers now. Last night, footage surfaced of the Blazers superfan wearing the purple-and-gold and dancing with the Laker girls (and Venus Williams) at Staples Center in Los Angeles. Karmel later claimed it was just a "bit" for a new "television show" called Game On, an upcoming CBS sports-and-comedy game show. "It felt absolutely vile and disgusting to wear Laker gear," Karmel tells WW. Sure, Ian. Sure.

(Henry Cromett)
(Henry Cromett)

Wronged Number

Israeli street food restaurant Shalom Y'all had its phone system hacked over the weekend and its phone number used to make multiple threatening prank calls. In a recording obtained by WW of the voicemail greeting left Saturday, a robotic voice alerts callers, "Hi, you have reached a stupid Jewish restaurant," followed by sexually violent remarks about staff and guests. Shalom Y'all changed its password and deleted the greeting the same day, but managing partner Jamal Hassan says the voicemail was hacked again on Sunday. Police are investigating.